The Senility Prayer
sue October 29th, 2008
THE SENILITY PRAYER
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Archive for the 'Humour' Category
Cosgrove at his best.
sue September 18th, 2008
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You’ll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?
The radio went silent.
Three Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
‘God, please give me the strength to cross the river.’
Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
‘God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river’
Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
‘God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river’
Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
Now for some much needed relief
admin May 19th, 2008
CHECK FOR ALZHEIMERS
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University .
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down…
I betcha’ you cannot resist passing it on.